No preambles. I have vitiligo. Safed daag. Its an auto immune disorder which results in depigmentation. Loss of skin color in patches on the body. Its not contagious. It won’t spread to anyone who is contact with me.
It first made its appearnace in 2010. Just above my elbow. I was under huge stress. I wanted to marry the love of my life and my parents were not convinced. I wanted to elope. But he didnt want to, he wanted everyone’s blessings. And then this appeared.
I was devastated. I am not exactly a beautiful person. And add to that a white spot on the body. That too if you belong to middle class family from a semi urban area of a state like bihar. Vitiligo is a curse. Though painless, it gives so much heartache and fear. Fear that he wont love me anymore. That his parents too will be against our marriage now (thankfully, they were accepting and didn’t bother much about my skin condition or color. For this i will always be grateful)
Visits started. From one doctor to another. One hospital to another. Medicines are very very costly for vitiligo. Everything was done.. but it kept increasing in size. And suddenly it started vanishing. I was happy.
But happiness was short lived. Everytime i had a cut, after healing that area would be affected by vitiligo. My lips started becoming white… UVB treatment started… Twice a week i would go to hospital during office lunch hour to get naked and stand in a tiny cubicle full of UVB lights. I felt claustrophobic. And not to mention very very uncertain of myself. I would bend my head and talk. I was scared of getting intimate with him too. What if he sees a spot which i have not yet noticed… I was stupid.
I was stupid because i didnt realise that Vitiligo came as a boon. They say everything has a reason. Had i been not inflicted with this, my parents wouldn’t have agreed. Yes, they knew that it will be tough for me to get married if my face and body has white spots. And they also saw that his feelings didn’t change with appearance of spots.
He told me, why do you need to look beautiful. You already are! He asked me, would i have left him if he had this!? Then how could he leave me. Love is very powerful, you see. It makes you feel beautiful, even when you may not be!
I learned some make up tricks. I started loving lipsticks. Bright red and pink shades. I started wearing sleeveless again. Seeing that the meds are not helping much and that UVB is becoming too much of a hassle i quit. Spots still appear and disappear. I have noticed that this happens whenever i am going theough a tough phase.. my fingers around the nails, toes and ankle, my nostrils and lips are white.. he teases me sometimes that when i turn full white i will look like an angrez and we laugh!😊
Yes, i was worried when i was pregnant that what if i pass it on to my child. But doctor asked me with a smile, if it happens will i love the child less!? As if! Ha!
Today, its almost 8 years of vitiligo… Now i have grown up with it and about it. Now i know its okay even if i dont look perfect. Its okay if i have some different skin. Everyone’s suffering with something or the other… As long as i am loved and cherished by my almost unromantic husband ( 😉 ), i dont need to look perfect…
#musingsofmamta #everyonehasastorytotell #Iammorethanmybody
Writer Bio : This article is written by Mamta Kashyap. This is what she has to say about herself “First and foremost, i am a fierce mother bear! I am goofy, clumsy, unintentionally funny and a self proclaimed facebook junkie! Love to read, read, read and write… With a very bad habit of poking my nose where it may not belong and occasional foot in mouth syndrome! I believe, happiness is a choice and that’s why i chose to be happy under any circumstance!😊”